To sleep, perchance to dream…

September 6, 2008 at 8:09 pm Leave a comment

Ay, there’s the rub… my dreams are fucking killing me >_<.
Not really… just making me feel like shit every time I wake up.

They keep making me feel like shit about my relationship. Like, I know I’m not the same person in my dreams that I am in real life, so I don’t know why they keep making me think so much. It’s kinda weird… most of them have been actual sex dreams, or dreams where I’m dating other people and stuff. Hard to explain in words, really.

Months ago, I had one with this guy (let’s call him Chad). It wasn’t that hardcore of a dream, but the fact that I came on to him while knowing I was in a relationship bothered me. Chad didn’t do much about it either, he just kinda went along with everything. It was even worse when my boyfriend caught me and didn’t even seem to care. I was like wtf, I cheat on you and you act like nothing happened?

A bit later, I had another cheating dream. I don’t remember it all that well anymore, but I’ll try and write it the best I can. I don’t remember where we were, but this guy (let’s call him Cody) was talking to me and we were getting along really well. I knew I already had a boyfriend and that I was super happy with him. He was pretty much in the back of my mind the whole time I was talking to Cody. By the end of the conversation, Cody asked me to get with him. I just smiled at him and said “sure.” Then in my head I was like, wtf? Why’d I say that? I have a boyfriend already. Okay, whatever. Cody’s pretty hot anyway. Later on I go with some friends, and Cody’s there too… and it’s as though nothing ever happened between me and him, so I was like okay, I guess he wasn’t serious. Good. All my friends walked somewhere else and I stayed alone at a carnival with Cody’s twin brother (let’s call him Zack, lmao). Zack started talking to me and being really sweet. Cody was more cool than he was sweet, but Zack was being like the sweetest guy I ever met. By that point, I had already forgotten that something had sorta happened between me and Cody. Zack put his arm around me, and gave me a little kiss… then Cody walked in and wanted to cry because of what he had just witnessed. He was like “wtf? I thought we had something… what ever happened to us?” I explained to him that he never even acted like a real boyfriend around me so I didn’t think he was serious. Somehow I ended up “breaking up” with both of them and being glad that my actual boyfriend wasn’t there to witness anything or get hurt, so it was like nothing ever happened. I dunno…

A few nights ago I had a dream with this other guy (let’s call this one Medic). In real life, stuff that happened in the past with Medic came back to haunt me once I was in a relationship, even after I had told myself that all that stuff from the past didn’t matter. I seriously changed when it came to certain issues after I got in a relationship. Problem was, the person I was/am in a relationship with didn’t see it that way. Anyway… [in the dream] I pretty much ended up alone in a dark room with Medic. We engaged in sexual intercourse and all too. I knew damn well that I was in a relationship, but didn’t care. I guess I had this what he doesn’t know wont hurt him mindset in the dream. The worst part was that I was really enjoying myself. I swear, it was like the best sex I ever had in my life. I couldn’t believe it. Then I was woken up by a text. Coincidentally enough, the text was from Medic. I wanted to cry so badly. I mean, I knew that I wasn’t like that in real life. I wouldn’t have sex with anyone else while I’m in a relationship, and I definitely wouldn’t enjoy it to the point where I almost climaxed… That dream just felt so real!!! Like, you don’t even know… But the fact that I was having those thoughts in my sleep… it’s like ughhh. Whatever. Fuck that. I know I’m not the way I am in my dreams, so why should I care?

Then just last night I had this dream… I remember we were on a sort of field trip. There were some people that I knew in band/guard and from Humanitas there. We were in some sort of theater and watching a documentary on the making of the movie Twilight (I haven’t even read the books, so it’s like wtf?), and we also got to watch a sneak peek and all. Well, Robert Pattinson (the guy that played Cedric Diggory on HP and is now gonna play Edward Cullen on Twilight) showed up too. He gave us some sort of speech, I don’t remember any of it. My boyfriend was sitting next to me and holding my hand the whole time, but he was talking to and looking at this other girl on the other side of him. I don’t even know who the hell she was or where she came from. I think he started being sorta up on her [while still holding my hand] because he noticed I was all happy and excited to see Robert Pattinson [why wouldn’t I be?! Lol!] and he got jealous. He ended up giving her a pop kiss and I sorta just rolled my eyes at him. Why didn’t I do anything else? I don’t remember the rest… but I sorta ended up being Robert Pattinson’s girlfriend, and my boyfriend from the beginning of the dream didn’t really care because he was already happy with the other girl. Wtf?!?!

There was like another dream or two that I don’t remember. But I don’t really want to remember this shit anymore. Why can’t it all go away >_<. I love John and I’m extremely happy with him.. these dreams just keep making me feel like something’s going wrong, or it’s gonna end really bad… or something. Idk.


Entry filed under: Day/Week Recaps, Personal. Tags: .

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