May she rest in peace

So I recently found out a girl I knew in high school passed away. I wasn’t close to her or anything, I just had her for a few classes and knew who she was. From what I heard, this happened because her step-father shot her and then shot himself. I didn’t know how to react. How does one get the motivation to do such a thing? Seriously, what has this world come to?

I remember a few weeks ago, I was watching the news and they were talking about how a man killed his family (I think he had five kids and a wife) and himself in a city nearby. I was gonna write a blog that day, but it slipped my mind. I remember them saying he did it ’cause he and his family weren’t living a very stable life in this economy. That’s not worth ending lives over, though. Especially in the United States. There’s so much opportunity out there. Whether one’s problems are economic, social, physical, or emotional you can always bet that there are others going through the same thing you are, and you’ll always be able to find help somewhere. I just don’t understand how one can do such a thing as murdering their family or ending their own life, regardless what the circumstances are. Why would one do this? It’s pretty messed up. Seriously, if you’re considering doing something like that… re-think it. Get help somewhere. I don’t care if you’re saying something like “but nobody understands what it’s like! no one can help!” Just don’t do anything that would risk anyone’s life, including your own. Nobody deserves to just leave the world for a dumb reason. When the world is ready to let go of you, it will. Don’t make that choice for yourself.

All that being said… It’s hard enough to believe that things like that can really happen. It’s even harder to take in when it happens to someone you once knew. Take care of yourselves, everyone. Don’t forget to let the people you love know how much you care. Try and make the best of the time you have here.

R. I. P. Celestina

You won’t be forgotten.

♥

Holy inferiority complex!

I’ve been meaning to write this blog for a while but I never knew how to go about writing it. I still don’t, as a matter of fact. I wrote myself a scratch outline, but it’s rather messy. Pretty much, this is supposed to be some sort of list of reasons I’d be a horrible girlfriend, haha. I dunno if it’ll turn out the way I wanted it to. Oh well. Maybe I should’ve saved this topic for a video blog instead.

A question I ask myself: What do people usually expect out of relationships? You find somebody you love/like, who feels the same way about you and decide to make your relationship official. Now what? What happens when you’re actually in the relationship? Oh, I know. You get to spend more time exclusively with that one person. You exchange cool romantic moments along with those you-belong-to-me kisses on the forehead. But yeah, people just want to enjoy the presence of the one they love… I guess. What’s a relationship if you don’t enjoy being with the person, right? I guess what I’m trying to say is… I think I’d be a boring girlfriend. I’m not really fit to be in a relationship, as much as I would want to be in one.

I have this feeling that if I get a boyfriend, I wouldn’t be good enough for him. I still live with my parents, so I still live under their rules. That means I have to not only ask permission to go out, but have to tell them where I’m going, who I’m going with, how I’m getting there, and at what time I’d be back. That in itself is a hassle sometimes. Anyway… if they know I’m dating someone, they give me a limit on the amount of time I can see him. Example, the last boyfriend I had: my mom only let him come over for an hour, if anything. Even if someone I were dating did want to see me, they would hate coming to my house. It’s so boring here. There’s nothing to do sometimes. Plus, everyone claims my mom gives them a dirty look or the stink eye. No one realizes that it’s just the way she looks :/ (she actually tries to be really nice with my guests).When I would go out I would usually have to be home before dark or at a specified time. I remember on Valentine’s day my parents told me to come home at like 6pm (whata eff?!).

I dunno, I just don’t feel like I would be good enough for the types of guys I like. Y’know… the cute, tall, light-skinned intellectuals that make cheesy jokes, but are still cool enough to party on weekends (bonus points if they know their way around the internet). Hahaha. I don’t even know what my ideal guy is… all I know is that even if I do find him someday, I’m not good enough for him. I don’t think anyone would wanna be with a girl that spends all her time sitting in front of a computer because she isn’t allowed to go out all that much. I mean, I’m not even good looking to most eyes.

Lmao. Angelica Vale’s “Aqui Estare” (the theme song from La Fea mas Bella) totally started playing right now. Que conveniente, no?

I guess I just want somebody that my parents really really really like. I just have this feeling that if they absolutely approve of the person I’m dating, they’ll change and let me see him more. I have this theory that it’ll make me that much happier if I know my parents are happy to see me with him. Nahh not really. I’m just kinda typing out of my ass now. But really, I just want someone that isn’t scared of going up to my mom and feels comfortable enough around my family to make some sort of conversation with them when they’re around. My parents hate people that don’t talk. Uhhh… this is turning into a different blog. I’ll try to stay on topic.

I forgot how I was gonna present everything, so I’ll wrap this up. I’m boring. Any guy I like would deserve better than me. I’m always home. I can’t really get out of here. I’m really awkward when I’m alone with somebody. I can never think of anything to talk about if the other person doesn’t bring up a topic. It’s really hard for me to hold a one-on-one conversation, and I hate small talk.

Also, most of the guys I’ve liked are gay or have the potential to be… but that’s a blog for another day. Hahaha. If they’re not gay, they usually have really cool, good-looking female friends that intimidate me.

As I suspected, this blog didn’t come out the way I wanted to. Horribly structured, and I can’t even tell what I’m saying anymore. Ughh.. The End?